Candice Watters is the founder and former editor of Focus on the Family's Boundless webzine for young adults. She is married to Steve Watters, director of young adults at Focus, and they have three children.
When she's not busy being a wife and mother, Candice Watters writes about courtship and dating, getting married and having kids. Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen is her first book.
1. Why is marriage so important to the future of America?
As the singles population grows, many pundits and even pastors are saying it’s time to rethink our institutions and structures to accommodate a culture where marriage seems less likely. While there are many capable, self-sufficient, contributing singles, marriage remains the core of a strong culture, as well as what most singles say they want.
When people marry, they tend to become better citizens. Marriage grounds people, and babies — who follow in 70 percent of marriages — motivate them. Married couples with children are the most likely to vote. Typically, they’re the ones who are active in local politics and community-strengthening activities like parent-teacher organizations, local events and neighborhood sports. And married couples with children, more than any others, go to and become active members of churches. Families are the stabilizing force of any society, in large part because marriage and parenting forces them to look beyond their own self-interest and demands of the present. They care deeply about what life will be like when they’re gone.
2. How can your book help women to marry well?
By encouraging women in the fundamentals of “living like you’re planning to marry.” That includes stewardship, community and purity, as well as not overdoing independence, recalibrating expectations and embracing opportunity.
It’s not all up to the women — God is sovereign. But women do have an opportunity to encourage all the players — men, parents, friends, churches, mentors — to actively participate in the process of marrying well. When believers understand their roles, and are encouraged to play them, women benefit and marriages can form for God’s glory.
3. There are many books about the single life. Why did you write this book?
Of the many books for singles, most are about maximizing being single. They emphasize all the things women can do now, before marriage, that won’t be as easy to do after. The trouble is, often those very things that bring pleasure and success in the short-term, can delay, or even undermine, a woman’s desire for marriage.
We are called, as believers, to be content in all circumstances, singleness included. But that doesn’t mean we can’t also be intentional about getting married — being content isn’t the same as being resigned. The danger of encouraging contentment, without also helping singles marry well, is that you end up with people who are really good at being single, but no closer to realizing their hope for marriage.
4. Many Christian women have been taught to just sit back and trust God to bring the right person. Tell me what you think about that statement.
There was a time in our culture when women got married without much effort. Our social structures, as well as expectations, moved young people to early marriage. That is no longer the case. Now, few, if any, expectations to marry remain — and that’s especially harmful for men — and the social supports that used to help people marry, now keep them single.
Yes, singles must trust God, now more than ever. But “waiting on God” is not a passive exercise. Exodus 14:13-16 is a good example of the way God calls us to be active participants in the work He does on our behalf. Getting married is no different.
5. What steps can single women take so they won't be alone for Valentine's Days to come?
The best relationship singles can pursue now is with a mentor — an older Christian who is married well. In our post-marriage culture, singles need a network. It’s essential to have the prayer and practical support of believers who are further along in life.
It’s far easier, and less awkward, to seek the advice of peers. But older women, and couples, have a lot more to offer. Mentors are key to moving from what’s probable — 85 percent of singles eventually marry — to what’s possible — marrying well for our good and God’s glory (and in a timely manner). Mentors can be helpful allies with insights, advice, open doors and even introductions.
FOR MORE INFORMATION
Join the Women Praying Boldly community.
To buy a copy of the book, visit the Focus on the Family Resource Center.
Jennifer Mesko, managing editor of CitizenLink, will be spending Valentine’s Day praying boldly with her mentor for a godly husband.
(NOTE: Referral to Web sites not produced by Focus on the Family is for informational purposes only and does not necessarily constitute an endorsement of the sites' content.)
