Making Sense of Sex Education
Navigating the sex education curriculum in your child's school.
There are few things as personal in God’s creation as sexuality. When such personal subjects are taught in a school classroom, you, as a parent, can have strong protective feelings concerning your child. Many schools are filled with superb teachers and administrators who care deeply for children and seek the highest standards in health education. But others have bought into cultural lies about sex and some even wind up promoting sexual experimentation for youth. No matter what your school teaches, when it comes to sexuality education, you are your child’s best advocate.
Investigation
Three words sum up your role when dealing with a school sexuality program: investigate, investigate, investigate. Start by calling the school and asking when (not if) you can look at the materials that will be presented in the program. Read through the curriculum and handouts and view all of the movies or videos that will be shown. Then write down your questions or concerns about the materials.
As you look through these materials, be aware that there are two differing philosophies in school-based sex-education. The abstinence-until-marriage educators believe that the safest choice for all aspects of personhood is to remain sexually inactive until marriage. The contraceptive-based sex educators believe that every person has, as a human right, the choice to become sexually active at whatever age they feel is best for them. If the curriculum describes how to use condoms or contraceptives it is most likely contraceptive-based sex education.
Attending the course is an additional way to know the curriculum. If you ask the teacher about sitting in on your child’s class understand that they may be hesitant for your child’s sake. Some children feel comfortable with their parent attending a classroom presentation while others do not. Attending a different class than your child’s may be a good option in this situation.
Be aware of “hot topics” in the classroom, including the content and how it’s presented. Consider the viewpoints presented on these very significant areas and whether they are taught in a way that does not offend or undermine your family’s values.
- Gender issues
- Abortion
- Contraceptive use
- Homosexual marriage
- Waiting for sex until marriage vs. waiting for sex until you’re ready
- Cohabitation
- Dating
- Pornography
- Alternative sexual practices
Discussion
After reviewing the curriculum, prepare to voice your praises or criticisms of the material by respectfully moving through the proper chain of command. Make an appointment with the teacher who will be teaching the curriculum. You may learn a lot about the teacher's attitude and philosophy through simple dialogue and this will help you determine how the material will be taught regardless of the content.
When talking with the teacher it might be helpful to ask:
- When do you think is a good time for youth to become sexually active?
- Do you believe that it’s important to teach children or teens about contraception? Why or why not?
- How realistic do you think it is to wait until marriage to have sex?
It’s important to ask these types of questions to assess the teacher’s beliefs regarding what they are being asked to teach. Research has shown that teachers who do not believe in their subject matter will not teach a curriculum fully or effectively. Therefore, be aware of the teacher’s bias – either for or against abstinence-until-marriage education.
Also remember that the one truism for nearly every school that teaches this subject matter is that it attracts controversy. Approaching teachers and administrators with respect and a calm voice will go a long way in having a productive conversation.
Another conversation you may want to have is with the school principal. If you think that you haven’t been heard by the classroom teacher or you are concerned that his or her teaching approach will conflict with your family’s values, this may be a good next step. Share your thoughts and concerns about the curriculum and supporting materials. If you think you are not being heard or are not satisfied with the results of this dialogue go to your next school board meeting and ask to speak. If possible, bring other like-minded parents with you. Remember, there’s safety and power in numbers. Bringing other concerned parents can lend strength to you and muscle to your arguments.
Decision
There are times when your family may decide that you are not satisfied with the sexuality curriculum to be taught or with the teacher who will teach it. You may decide to excuse your child from attending the classes. Ask the principal what steps you need to take to implant this decision. They will help you through the process.
Some schools will have an “opt-in” policy and some will have an “opt-out” policy. Opt-in means that a parent or guardian must sign a permission slip in order to have their child included in the course. An opt-out policy means that you must sign a particular form to have your child taken out of the course. The principal of your school will know which kind of policy is in effect and assist you and your child.
Another important point to remember is that sexual information may be included in many school courses other than those labeled "sex-ed". This may seem strange to you, but issues having to do with "gender rights," sexual behaviors and many others are often raised in other class discussions. Be sure to stay informed about your child’s classes and listen for any questions or concerns they may have regarding class content or discussions.
We all know, however, that some youth are more likely to speak up than others, especially about a personal subject like sexuality. There are other ways to obtain this kind of vital information. Driving the car pool is a great way to hear what’s on children’s minds. Opening your home to be one of the places where the kids hang out is another great way to know what’s happening. You may need to be a little creative in order to know your quieter child’s concerns and thoughts.
Conclusion
One final consideration is that unless your child attends a religious school that teaches sexuality from a biblical perspective, it is unlikely he or she will be exposed to the full truth and beauty of God's design. Apart from advocating for your child in the school, teaching and modeling this beautiful design for intimacy in marriage is one of your most awesome and important responsibilities.
Keep in mind that your child will need to be taught the age-appropriate content regarding sexuality including the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects. If they aren’t taught accurate information they will learn inaccurate information from their peers and/or the internet. Remember, children still learn best from mom and dad.
Whatever you decide is best for your child regarding attendance in a school sexuality course, make it a good decision. Discuss your thoughts and feelings with your spouse to make sure that you’re both comfortable no matter what you decide. Don't be afraid to voice your concerns and don't hesitate to act on your convictions. You know better than anyone what's best for your child.
For additional resources on teaching your children about God’s plan for human sexuality, please visit Focus on the Family's Pure Intimacy website.
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