Understanding the Roots of Male Homosexuality

Compiled by Jodi Carlson

The true nature of how male homosexuality develops includes family dynamics, sexual abuse, and broken-down peer relationships.

Homosexuality is one of the most hotly debated topics in society today. Today’s culture is sending confusing messages about this issue. Television, movies and other forms of media try to convince us it is normal. Because of the dominant pro-gay (or vocal anti-gay) worldviews competing within our culture, voices of reason are silenced or maligned—and wherever questions abound, complexity rules.

Beginning in the late 1960s, the scientific and psychological communities began to do away with a traditional understanding of the developmental causes and treatments of homosexuality. Needless to say, this was politically motivated as gay activists made inroads into these fields. This article on the causes of male homosexuality will strip away the myths and mixed messages, and foster a new understanding and compassion for those struggling with same-sex attraction. The contributors to this article are considered experts in homosexuality research and recovery and will present another perspective—albeit a politically unpopular one. Their knowledge is extensive; collectively, they have counseled thousands of men seeking freedom from unwanted homosexuality. In addition to this article, Focus on the Family has a booklet available entitled: “The Truth Comes Out: The Roots and Causes of Male Homosexuality.” You can order this resource online at www.family.org or call us at 1.800.A.Family.

What homosexuality is

Agendas, biases and prejudices aside, just what is the definition of a homosexual? Webster’s Dictionary will tell you that a homosexual is simply, “Of or relating to sexual attraction toward others of the same sex.”¹ Period. That is it; end of story. A more thorough definition is helpful and appropriate; and Dr. Lawrence Hatterer, a nationally recognized psychiatrist who has treated hundreds of male homosexuals, sums it up well. He says a homosexual is “one who is motivated, in adult life, by a definite preferential erotic attraction to members of the same sex and who usually, but not necessarily, engages in overt sexual relations with them.”² There is plenty to ponder with a definition like that. With it in mind, the question about how one develops homosexual attractions comes to the forefront. This is when the heat on the debate turns up, opinions flare and facts are smothered out of the picture.

Homosexuality is not caused by…

Because of the numerous misconceptions about homosexuality, we must first look at what homosexuality is not caused by. Countless studies have been performed aiming to prove that homosexuality is caused by genetics. Gay proponents love this argument because it says, “Hey, we can’t help our sexual orientation. We are born this way!” Essentially, they can claim that they are helpless, get your sympathy, and try to further the justification of homosexual practices because they believe the drive is hereditary. On the surface, the “science” appears convincing. In recent years, several studies have grabbed headlines around the world, “proving” homosexuality is inborn. The evidence looks solid. The researchers seem credible. But, a closer look reveals the truth. Unfolded in the following section are the weaknesses found in a few scientific studies seeking to explain the cause(s) of homosexuality. We expose these studies to help you clarify any lingering doubts as to their validity. If you have further questions about the studies, please refer to the sources noted in the endnotes.

Claims of genetic causation have been dispelled

“People tend to view homosexuality more favorably when they think it is inborn. No wonder gay leaders (not all, but most) push the born gay theory; it furthers the cause.”³ —Joe Dallas, author, former homosexual

Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, a medical doctor and former fellow in child psychiatry at Yale University, has taken a thorough look at three particular studies that claim to have proven homosexuality is genetic but in reality they do not. Upon closer evaluation, this is what he discovered:

Flawed study #1: The brain structure study
In the August 1991 issue of Science, Simon LeVay of the Salk Institute in San Diego published a study on differences in brain structure between homosexual and heterosexual men.⁴ The study, however, had at least three glaring weaknesses:

1. It was based on a small group of 41 male cadavers, including 19 homosexual males. All of the homosexual men had died of AIDS, something that many researchers believe could very well account for or contribute to the differences (in the brain stem).
2. There is no way to determine if the smaller hypothalamuses were the cause or the result of homosexual behavior.⁵
3. The area of the brain LeVay was measuring (the INAH3) was quite small—smaller than snowflakes, according to scientists interviewed. His peers in the neuroscientific community could not agree on whether the INAH3 should be measured by its size and volume, or by its number of neurons.⁶

Flawed study #2: The twins study
In another study, psychologist Michael Bailey of Northwestern University and psychiatrist Richard Pillard of the Boston University School of Medicine showed that homosexuality occurred more frequently among identical twins than fraternal twins.7 But their 1991 study had a major flaw: All of their twins grew up together. These researchers failed to compare their findings with a control group of twins raised apart. If they had, they would have discovered other influencing factors, such as how family dynamics and their relationship with parents affected who they were. Not to mention only about half the identical twins studied were both homosexuals. So, if the study showed that homosexuality in twins was purely genetic, then both of the twins would have been homosexual 100 percent of the time.

Flawed study #3: The X-chromosome study
Lastly, five researchers led by Dean Hamer at the National Cancer Institute released a study in July of 1993 that attempted to link homosexuality in men with a specific genetic region of the X-chromosome.⁸ “This is by far the strongest evidence to date that there is an important genetic component to sexual orientation,” Hamer reported.⁹ Not so, said other highly qualified professionals. “There are several problems with the Hamer study. First, a Canadian research team has been unable to duplicate the finding using a comparable experimental design.¹⁰ Second, Hamer confined his search to the X-chromosome on the basis of family interviews, which seems to reveal a disproportionately high number of male homosexuals on the mothers’ sides of the family.¹¹ Additionally, one of Hamer’s co-authors has expressed serious concerns about the methodology of the study.¹² Finally, there is some question about whether Hamer’s results, correctly interpreted, are statistically significant. His conclusions rest on the assumption that the rate of homosexuality in the population at large is 2 percent. If the base rate is actually higher, then Hamer’s results are not statistically significant.¹³

These are only three examples of popular studies that were later found to be unreliable due to failure to meet basic criteria for establishing scientific facts, lack of clarity on behalf of the researcher, faulty method of study, or ignorance of basic scientific premises. Other studies hold no weight because the conclusions have been insinuated rather than proven. It is these flawed studies, however, that receive the most publicity.

The media furthers the gay agenda

Take, for example, something that happened in the media in response to “gay gene” research:¹⁴ The Wall Street Journal headlined their report (which appeared the next day), “Research Points Toward a Gay Gene.” A subheading of the Journal article stated, “Normal Variation”—leaving the casual reader with the impression that the research led to this conclusion. It did not, nor could it have.¹⁵

The subhead was simply the chief researcher’s personal, unsubstantiated opinion that homosexuality, as he put it, “is a normal variant of human behavior.” Even The New York Times, in its more moderate front-page article, “Report Suggests Homosexuality is Linked to Genes,” noted that other researchers warned against over interpreting the work, “or taking it to mean anything as simplistic as that the ‘gay gene’ had been found.”¹⁶ At the end of The Wall Street Journal article . . . at the bottom of the last paragraph . . . on the last page deep within the paper . . . a prominent geneticist was quoted for his reactions to the research. He observed that “the gene . . . may be involved in something other than sexual behavior. For example, it may be that the supposed gene is only ‘associated’ with homosexuality, rather than a ‘cause’ of it.” (emphasis added)¹⁷ This shows how easily members of the news media or casual readers can be swayed when not closely studying and researching homosexuality from every possible angle, all personal opinions and biases aside.

No solid scientific evidence exists today that people are born homosexual

Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, a psychologist and president of the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality and one who has been a guest a number of times on Dr. Dobson’s radio broadcast, states the following: “We are all heterosexual. Some heterosexuals have a homosexual problem, but it does not mean there are two different kinds of people.”¹⁸

The developmental stages: How males develop homosexual attractions

Understanding how homosexuality develops is vitally important because it helps us formulate an empathetic response. “Many things are capable of causing the disruption in attachment that underlies the homosexual condition. It is not a question of one particular cause…Any incident that happens to place a particular strain on the relationship between the child and the parent of the same sex is potentially causative.”¹⁹

Learned behavior

Male homosexuality is a developmental problem that is almost always the result of problems in family relations, particularly between father and son.²⁰ This article examines family dynamics as one of many root causes of homosexuality. But the reality is that homosexuality is brought about by a multitude of root causes. It is simplistic thinking to attribute undue significance to any single factor. What follows reveals what can typically happen in specific stages of a male’s life leading him to identify, or be labeled by others, as a homosexual. But keep in mind the following factors that can have extreme implications on determining one’s sense of gender identity:

• Sexual violation or experimentation with men or boys
• Incest or molestation
• Exposure to pornography
• Negative spiritual influences
• Media influences
• Personality temperament
• Negative body image
• Peer labeling, harassment or alienation
• Fear of, or an inability to relate to, the opposite sex

While a single perfect couple has never existed, nor ever will, understanding the role husbands and wives play in each other’s lives allows us to better comprehend how their son could become homosexual.

“ . . . and the two will become one flesh.” —Ephesians 5:31 (NIV)

The classic triadic relationship—Dr. Joseph Nicolosi’s psychological concept that summarizes a body of literature that repeatedly shows the common family pattern of the male homosexual—takes a look at roles between husband-father, wife-mother and their son. Before a child enters the scene, a husband and wife must have a healthy, proper way of relating to one another. Not perfect, but healthy. Because God calls a man and woman one in marriage, there is a completion in their relationship, though they may not yet have children. When a child is born into the family, roles can become confused if too much emphasis is placed on that child to fulfill either the mother’s or father’s emotional needs. For example, a son may develop a strong sense of sympathy and care-taking for his mother if she leans on him emotionally by relaying her marriage problems and telling him her troubles.

But when it is understood that children are complementary to the husband and wife—not the center of the family unit—the child inherits a freedom to develop a healthy sense of self and gender identity instead of bearing the burden of meeting his parents’ emotional demands.

Definition: Gender identity:
A: refers to those characteristics that are linked to an individual’s intrinsic sense of self that is based on attributes reflected in the person’s psychological, behavioral and/or cognitive state. Gender identity may also refer to one’s intrinsic sense of manhood or womanhood . . . ²¹

B: that part of identity concerned with masculinity or femininity…it is a man’s awareness that he is male.²²

The husband
We draw from Ephesians 5:25-28 that God appoints husbands to be:

• Nurturing
  
• Emotionally available
  
• Caring and tender
  
• The leader in the home
  
• Sacrificial
  

He is to love his wife as much as Christ loves His church. That kind of love is completely selfless and unconditional.

The wife
We draw from Ephesians 5:22 and Genesis 3:16 that God appoints wives to be:

• Supportive
  
• Affirming of her husband's masculinity
  
• Reflecting a positive image of her husband's masculinity to her children
  
• Understanding of her husband's role
  

Stage I: Birth to 18 months: The environment
In the initial stage of life, the child receives foundational security from the one closest—his mother. The infant acutely senses the emotional atmosphere from such cues as voice tone. Touch is also an important source of information for infants. The warmth and pressure from contact with the mother’s body carries a message to young babies of security in moments of stress.²³ Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel state, “Ideally, an infant’s first year or two of life is spent developing a deep, secure bond of love with the mother that leads to a healthy sense of personal identity. If the child does not obtain basic trust with the mother, he becomes vulnerable to a multitude of problems. Lacking that trust is not the cause of homosexuality by any means; it simply opens the door for a child’s vulnerability in a number of subsequent developmental stages, including the creation of his sexual identity.

Stage II: Birth to 18 months: Gender affirmation
Between the ages of 18 months and 5 years, a boy needs to receive gender affirmation both verbally and physically. His perception of his sexual identity will come from the primary people in his life—again, his parents. Beginning around 18 months, the child begins to tell the difference between male and female. The boy will notice he is different from his mother, and his body is like his father’s. The father becomes more significant and the boy wants to reach out to him, to connect with him. This sense of being a boy is called gender identity, a term that came into medical literature in the 1950s. After gender identity is formed, then gender stability develops.²⁴ If the basic trust (described in “Act I”) with mom has been established, it means that he is familiar with her. Now he wants to branch out to the father because he is interesting. This is what Dr. Nicolosi calls the “separation individuation phase.”²⁵

“If the father is warm and receptive, then the son can make this transition,” says Nicolosi. “He can dis-identify with the mother and connect with the father to fulfill his natural masculine strivings and establish a secure sense of gender identity. But if the father is cold, distant, disinterested, critical or rejecting— according to the boy’s perception—-the boy will experience a hurt and rejection, which is what we call a ‘narcissistic hurt.’ That is why narcissism—a preoccupation with the self—is a large part of the male homosexual condition.” When a child yearns to connect with someone who is unwilling or unable, the wounds can scar him for life. Both mother and father, as a “parental team,” must assist the boy in this transitional phase. You can see how the triangle of the classic triadic relationship can so easily become distorted when parents respond inappropriately at different stages in their son’s life.

Back to the basics

Consider the points made about the husband and wife relationship discussed previously in “The Setting.” If the mother, for example, is not affirming the husband’s role in the family by her words and actions, the baby boy—even in this early stage of his life—will pick up on that and his view of men, maleness and masculinity will become devalued. The father’s acceptance of his son as a young male is critical. One man in the midst of walking away from homosexuality said, “My father never hugged me or touched me. I had no physical connection with him.” Again, the primary cause of homosexuality is not the absence of a father figure per se, but the boy’s hurtful experience with his father.²⁶

During the gender affirmation stage, many things may have contributed to this lack of bonding. Perhaps the father felt left out of the mother and son relationship and withdrew from the son. Perhaps his work left him physically absent from the household. Maybe the dad felt incapable of connecting with his son who lacked similar interests and emotions. Maybe the mother devalued his worth as a man, and he felt awkward being a male role model to his son. Many factors contribute to a lack of connection between father and son in the critical separation individuation phase.²⁷ Also remember that perception holds a faulty grasp on reality. What the son perceives may be far from his parents’ intentions, but because it is the only thing he knows to be true, it will shape who he becomes, regardless.

Stage III: 5 to 12 years: Relating to peers of the same sex
School enters the scene, and a whole new world of relating to peers comes into play. At this time, same-sex peer relationships become very important, often involving intense emotions. These friendships play a vital role in the development of a secure gender and sexual identity. Nicolosi emphasizes that “an attachment to the same sex is not wrong; indeed it is precisely the right thing for meeting same-sex deficits. What is improper is eroticizing these friendships.”²⁸

Peer relationships in grade school can be either intimidating or wonderfully affirming experiences. Many homosexual men commonly recall painful memories with peers during this period. What the boy has interpreted as his gender identity will carry over to the school grounds and be reinforced by his peers. Dr. Barb Durso observes that, at this time, “most children develop stereotypic behaviors appropriate to their gender identity. Thus girls sometimes refuse to wear pants because ‘only boys wear pants.’ This can happen even if the girl has a mother and other female role models who wear pants. Conversely, boys may become intensely interested in playing ‘army.’”²⁹

But, if he is already estranged from his father, he will likely feel alienated from the boys in his class and will have an unstable sense of gender identity. Verbal taunting may occur only to solidify his sense of masculine inferiority. Rather than face the humiliation sure to come from boys playing sports and other games together, he may retreat to solitary pursuits. Social isolation and loneliness during this time are often experienced by homosexuals as adults. Again, his personality temperament will play a key role in how he responds to his circumstances.

“In most adult homosexual men…we find a lack of significant and trusting relationships during grade school. They often felt alienated and distant from other boys and felt more comfortable with a few trusting girls.”³⁰ —John Smid, husband, father and former homosexual.

Stage IV: 12 years to adulthood: Enter hormones
Puberty can be a point of revelation for a young boy. As Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel state it: “Most people from a lesbian or gay background feel different or may even be labeled ‘queer’ from an early age. But the full significance of these labels hit, usually in the junior high years, when the first strong rushes of sexual attraction come surging up—and turn out to be surging in the wrong direction.”³¹

With the deluge of gay-affirmative messages being forced upon teens in public education, Dr. Uriel Meshoulam warns against a young boy embracing a “gay” label. “As a psychologist, all too often I see people in therapy, sexually conflicted and confused, have their plight compounded by social pressures…Well-intentioned affirming messages, such as ‘be true to your real self,’ imply a fixed, ‘true’ and probably inborn sexual orientation. This powerful truism, more often than not, makes young teenagers feel that they need to quickly make up their minds as to ‘who they really are.’”³²

When hormones enter the world of a boy with a healthy gender identity, he will look around and see that girls possess a kind of mystery about them; something that makes him curious and attracted to them. In other words, a healthy sexuality searches for the opposite gender or ‘other,’ which complements and completes one’s own gender. And so the teen heterosexual boy will pursue girls to fulfill that curiosity, to discover the unknown. During this stage of development, boys tend to withdraw from the family circle at home and may be critical of parents and siblings. They are worried about aspects of self—especially that others will not like them. Self-absorption is the hallmark of this age. They are sensitive to criticism and keenly perceptive of the emotions of others. Teen boys needing privacy often secede from the family and become moody and uncommunicative.³³

But the pre-homosexual has already been disconnected from his father, friends and his sexuality by this point in his life. His own masculinity is a mystery to him. It is like the teen boy who, due to masculine inadequacies, is most drawn to females to feel comfortable, safe and unthreatened. The world of boys and men is completely foreign. Getting there feels like crossing a great canyon. So while heterosexuals find females intriguing and in possession of something they do not have, so it is that pre-homosexual boys find members of the same sex intriguing.

During this “erotic transactional phase,” as termed by Dr. Nicolosi, all the psychological and identification issues that have been established now set the direction for sexual energy. “Homosexual behavior is really a symbolic attempt to become familiar with their own bodies through other male bodies,” he says.³⁴ As one man overcoming homosexuality said, “Friends were heroes to me, and I wanted to get connected and closer because I felt empowered... It wasn’t until I was 12 or 13 that it got to be a sexual kind of thing.”³⁵

Even though homosexuality is becoming more socially acceptable and even promoted as an attractive and preferable way of life now more than ever before, most boys in junior high and high school do not want to be gay. Most hope what they feel is a “passing phase.” Many keep their confusing desires to themselves. Christians are told to simply “pray about it.” Some try dating the opposite sex to remedy their desires. But none of this helps those who are struggling because their feelings and attractions are not being explained to them.³⁶ They are left confused, and many will come to their own conclusion that they must be homosexual. They plunge ahead to their futures, trying to accept that they must be gay and, as such, might as well fulfill the desire and act out in homosexual behavior.

Stage V: College and beyond: The homosexual experience
The last step in the development of a homosexual identity usually comes in the years after high school, when unlimited options become available. Leaving the constraints and influences of home and church, a young man will often discover a world eager to usher him into the homosexual community.³⁷ With the availability of gay bars, gyms, beaches, even the Internet, numerous opportunities beckon a confused young man to be sought out or to seek out relationships with men. Some choose to openly “come out” while others secretly “act out.” In either case, the homosexual who has not been told the truth that his homosexuality is changeable, unknowingly becomes trapped. The seeming acceptance and rush of excitement that may seem fulfilling at the time, ends up leaving him empty and hopeless.

Clearly there is some overlap in the stages that have been laid out in the previous scenarios. Ages are not exact in every child and neither are the activities, thoughts or feelings described in each. Some may be acting out their homosexual desires very early in life. Others wait until their late teen or early adult years to engage in homosexual behavior. The next section reveals the hope waiting for those who are willing to pursue obedience and devotion to Christ, which often leads to lasting change. The reward is an exhilarating experience of freedom.

The next section reveals the hope waiting for those who are willing to accept and receive God’s transforming love, which leads to lasting change. The reward is an exhilarating experience of freedom.

The way out: Freedom from homosexuality

Let us take another look at a recent study mentioned at the beginning of this article.

Robert L. Spitzer is Professor of Psychiatry and Chief of Biometrics at Columbia University. His new study drew worldwide media attention at the American Psychiatric Association’s annual conference on May 9, 2001. “Like most psychiatrists,” says Dr. Spitzer, “I thought that homosexual behavior could be resisted—but that no one could really change their sexual orientation. I now believe that’s untrue—some people can and do change.”

He interviewed 200 subjects (143 men and 57 women) who were willing to describe their sexual and emotional histories, including their self-reported shift from gay to straight. Most had sought change because a gay lifestyle had been emotionally unsatisfying. Many had been dissatisfied with the promiscuous, stormy relationships they had engaged in. A homosexual lifestyle also put them in conflict with their religious values. “Contrary to conventional wisdom,” Spitzer concluded, “some highly motivated individuals, using a variety of change efforts, can make substantial change in multiple indicators of sexual orientation, and achieve good heterosexual functioning.” Spitzer added that change from homosexual to heterosexual is not a matter of “either/or,” but occurs on a continuum—with a gradual diminishing of homosexuality and expansion of heterosexual potential.³⁸

Hope is available

If you struggle with homosexuality and feel trapped, there is hope. The journey is long and the landscape may be pitted with obstacles. Despite the potential difficulty, freedom abounds for those willing to take a risk and act upon the information in this article.

As this article has made clear, no one cause of homosexuality can be pinpointed. The same is true about overcoming homosexuality—there is no one tried-and-true way that will work for everyone. God made us all individuals. Each story is different, as is each recovery. However, numerous organizations and people stand ready to help you on the journey toward wholeness. You are the reason they exist. Do not hesitate to contact them.

REFERRALS
Exodus North America
P.O. Box 540119 Orlando, FL 32854 (888)264-0877, in Orlando: (407) 599-6872 www.exodus.to

National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) 16633 Ventura Boulevard, #1340, Encino, CA 91436 (818) 789-4440 www.narth.com

Regeneration Books P.O. Box 9830 Baltimore, MD 21284-9830 (410) 661-4337 www.regenbooks.com

Parents and Friends of ExGays and Gays (PFOX) P.O. Box 561 Ft. Belvoir, VA 22060 (703) 360-2225 www.p-fox.org

Family Research Council 801 G Street NW Washington, DC 20001 202-393-2100 www.frc.org

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