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Going Online: The Communication Gap

 

The Internet is opening up worldwide communication, but research indicates a great deal of miscommunication still exists between parents and children when it comes to Internet rules and usage.

Numerous studies have shown that parents and teens have significantly differing accounts of household Internet rules, parental involvement, and technology’s usefulness in reducing exposure to harmful content online. Parents claim to set clear rules about Internet use, but far fewer teens believe such rules have been set. Similarly, parents and teens have varying ideas on the degree to which parents monitor their children’s Internet use and on the effectiveness of blocking software. The one point of agreement, not surprisingly, seems to be that neither parents nor teens believe teens can be trusted to follow rules about Internet use.


Internet Rules
Parental Monitoring
Filtering/Blocking Software
Trust Issues
Final words


Parents claim to set clear rules about Internet use, but far fewer teens believe such rules have been set.

  • 74 percent of parents with teens but only 47 percent of teens claim to have rules about what teens must get permission to do online.1
    74 percent of parents but only 57 percent of teens claim to have specific rules about the types of web sites teens are allowed to visit. 2
    59 percent of parents but only 31 percent of teens claim to have specific rules about whether teens are allowed to visit chat rooms.3
    52 percent of parents but only 36 percent of teens claim to have specific rules about how much time teens are allowed to spend online.4
    51 percent of parents but only 25 percent of teens claim to have specific rules about who teens are allowed to e-mail.5

Parents and teens have varying ideas on the degree to which parents monitor their children’s Internet use.

  • 83 percent of parents claim to have talked to their teen on an ongoing basis about the web sites they visit, but only 43 percent of teens agree with this claim. 6
  • 82 percent of parents claim to monitor their teens online “very closely” or “somewhat closely” compared to just 52 percent of teens that think they do. 7
  • 77 percent of parents claim to have sat down and formally discussed online rules with teens, but only 44 percent of teens recall such an occurrence. 8
  • 72 percent of parents claim to have watched their teens as they navigate the Internet at home, but only 54 percent of teens believe this has occurred. 9
  • 61 percent of parents of online teens say they impose time limits on how long their children can stay online, but only 37 percent of online teens say such limits are imposed on them. 10
  • 61 percent of parents say they monitor the sites their children view by checking up on them after the children go online, but only 27 percent of online teens believe their parents do this. 11
  • 25 percent of parents claim to have installed software that blocks access to certain web sites, but only 18 percent of teens believe this has occurred.12
  • 21 percent of parents claim to have installed software that monitors and records online activity, but only 15 percent of teens believe this has occurred. 13

Parents and children have divergent views on the effectiveness of blocking software.

  • 46 percent of parents believe their teens would be “very” or “somewhat” likely to try to circumvent any blocking software that was installed, but only 29 percent of teens say they even would try. 14
  • 74 percent of parents do not believe that installing blocking software reduces the need for parental supervision compared to 65 percent of teens who say that it does. 15
  • Yet, 54 percent of parents believe that blocking software is “more effective” (31 percent) or “just as effective” (23 percent) as parents in preventing teens from accessing objectionable sites, compared to 80 percent of teens (45 percent and 35 percent respectively) who think this way. 16

Neither parents nor teens believe teens can be trusted to follow rules about Internet use.

  • Only 16 percent of parents and 12 percent of teens feel that teens can be trusted to follow parents rules about Internet use all of the time. 17
  • 71 percent of parents and 72 percent of teens feel that teens can be trusted to follow parents rules about Internet use some of the time. 18
  • 23 percent of older teens and 11 percent of younger teens believe teens can rarely or never be trusted to follow parents’ rules regarding Internet use. 19

Final words

In light of the communication breakdown that frequently happens when children reach their teen years, and considering the danger to children posed by the Internet, a much greater effort by parents is needed to enforce safe Internet use policies in and outside the home. Even the efforts of the most vigilant parents can often be forgotten or misunderstood by their teenagers.

Research also shows that parents and children frequently clash over Internet policies. Many parents will exercise their authority by “laying down the law,” but it is not always necessary to take this approach. The Internet—like most areas of life—can be a way to invest time, attention, and love into your child and to clearly express both your concern for their safety and your growing trust in their character and behavior.

One of the best ways to communicate your concerns to your child is by setting aside a formal time to discuss Internet usage, your expectations, and the penalties for infractions. Remember that these boundaries are for their protection. Accordingly, they must be clearly communicated and strictly enforced. One effective way of codifying your discussion is to print out your family’s rules and to have you and your child sign and date the form. You can post it near the computer to remind them of their responsibilities and the trust you have vested in them.


1 Web Savvy and Safety: How Kids and Parents Differ in What They Know, Whom They Trust, Penn, Schoen & Berland Associates, September 2000, p. 17.
2 Rules For Using the Internet: An Analysis of Teen and Parent Perspectives, The Safe America Foundation, September 1999, p. 26.
3 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 26.
4 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 26.
5 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 26.
6 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 25.
7 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 23.
8 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 25.
9 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 25.
10 Amanda Lenhart, Lee Rainie, and Oliver Lewis, Teenage life online: The rise of the instant-message generation and the Internet’s impact on friendships and family relationships, (Washington, D.C.: Pew Internet & American Life Project, June 20, 2001), p. 31.
11 Lenhart, Rainie, and Lewis, Teenage life online, p. 32.
12 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 25.
13 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 25.
14 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 34.
15 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 36.
16 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 37.
17 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 22.
18 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 22.
19 Rules For Using the Internet, p. 22.



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