Grandparents and Sex Education: Tips for Talking to Grandchildren
Tips for talking to your grandchildren about sexuality.
What Can We Do?
In Part I of this series we explored a snapshot of the sexualized society in which our grandchildren dwell. In Part II of this series we talked about some of the consequences of our sex-saturated culture. In Part III we will discuss some basic tips in talking to grandchildren about sexuality.
A recent AARP poll found that sex was not a hot topic in intergenerational discussions:
Respondents seem to be more likely to speak to grandchildren about day-to-day issues that arise in their lives. When asked to identify topics they discuss with their grandchildren, fun activities they are looking forward to (86%), school (84%), morals or values (78%), planning future visits (72%), and daily activities (72%) were the most popular choices. The data also suggest that a substantial number of grandparents and grandchildren do discuss deeper issues such as religion/spirituality (65%), cigarettes, (47%) drinking or alcohol use (43%), illegal drugs, such as marijuana, cocaine or drug use (45%), and sex (24%).1
Over and over again, research says children and teens who feel connected to their families avoid high-risk behaviors, such as sex and drugs. This means grandparents have a tremendous opportunity to influence their grandkids.
Spend time with your grandchildren, whatever their ages. Sure, when they get to the pre-teen and teen years they can become a little intimidating to look at. Their tough exterior — with the body piercing, colored hair and “interesting” clothing choices — is exploration, an attempt to understand their personhood. Look beyond the exterior and you will find a tender and often frightened heart. And this uncertainty is especially true when it comes to relationship and sexual issues.
Here are a few more tips for working through sexual issues with your grandchildren:
- Answer their questions honestly and to the level that seems appropriate for their age.
- Use proper terms for the physical parts of the body from the time your grandchildren are young.
- As they get into their pre-teen and teen years, talk with them not at them.
- If you don’t understand a word or expression your grandchildren use, ask them the meaning. The discussion that follows may be dynamic and eye-opening.
- Install a blocking program in your home computer to prevent access to pornography. Try NetWise for information regarding blocking programs.
- Consult these resources regarding pornography’s effect on children:
Pornography & Children
Going Online: Youth & the Internet
The Harmful Effects on Children of Exposure to Pornography - Move your personal computer to a common room in the house, such as a family room, to monitor content and activities.
- Tell your stories of love and marriage. Your grandchildren will adore your stories, and they will enrich their lives.
- Share your values and morals — speak of them often and model them always.
- Be in their world: Watch what they watch on television; listen to their music with them; go to their movies with them. Ask questions; make comments; point out truths and lies.
- Listen, listen, listen. (Remember: God gave us one mouth and two ears.)
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions! The answers to your questions may surprise you and open up whole new areas of sharing and teaching.
Conclusion
Grandchildren are precious gifts from God. Your role in their lives is vital. You are essential to their growing understanding of relationships, love and sex. Be in their lives and talk openly and honestly. The reward will be generations of God-centered families that embrace and celebrate His awesome gift of sexuality.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).
Linda Klepacki, RN, MPH, is Focus on the Family’s Sexual Health Analyst.
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